The Stupidest Thing Some Said, and a Surprisingly Comforting Comment from a Stranger

Eleanor would have been 5 months old today. I wasn't able to finish my work day and am now home thinking about her and for some reason, what I am remembering is the stupidest thing anyone has said to me since she died - and a comment from a stranger that was amazingly poignant and comforting. The first comment, the stupidest(most stupid?), came from someone I considered a good friend. Someone who had been through his own, much different, tragic loss only months before. While I don't like to talk about what happened with everyone, I thought of him as a person who could understand, empathize because of his own grief. So a few weeks after losing Eleanor, I was talking to this friend, explaining what had happened and telling him how it had been since. He listened then thought a moment and said to me,"Well, it will be hard for you because since abortion is legal, people won't be able to understand that you feel like you lost your child." It was such a ridiculous lack of understanding that I could hardly believe it. To not be able to, or not take the time to, understand the difference between an infant, born on her due date, who died just 14 minutes after birth and what he was suggesting is something I will never be able to wrap my head around. I have not mentioned Eleanor to this person since. But then, there was the exterminator. My husband and I live in an older house, on a crawl space so we have a contract with a bug guy who comes once every couple of months to spray for critters. When we found out we were pregnant we suspended the treatments, concerned that the chemicals could be bad for baby. Dan had told the company that they could resume in February, one he nugget was here. So just two short weeks after everything happened, I was sitting at home, alone when the doorbell rang. The bug man. He explained who he was and asked if I was ready to have him start back up. I said yes but on another day. We talked a few minutes, arranging when he would come back. The whole time I prayed that he wouldn't remember why we had suspended service. We wrapped up the conversation and he turned to leave - and I said I silent thank you that he hadn't asked after the baby. But about he was only a couple of steps down the stairs when he turned back. "Hey! Didn't we stop service because you were pregnant? Did you have the baby?" I am sure I looked awful, I immediately teared up and gave him the shortest of explanations. He looked surprisingly unphased, and said simply, "I am just so sorry. My wife lost 4 pregnancies before she had our daughter. Don't lose hope." It was just a very unexpected moment of empathy.