It was a date that loomed on the calendar for months. Eleanor's first birthday. I knew I wanted to do something to celebrate and remember her but had no idea how to proceed. I mean, what person on the planet wants to mark a their child's birthday like this?
Edison's healthy arrival just 8 days before helped to give me strength. But recovering from surgery and a newborn limited what could be done.
In the end we settled on a balloon release. Just family and held at her spot at Fairview Memorial Gardens. It's hard for me to call it her grave - I avoid the term, along with cemetery, when I can.
The weather was ridiculously nice, as though the universe knew it was important to make the day as beautiful and happy as possible. Dan's family went to her spot earlier in the morning, putting out a cheerful fresh flower arrangement, swapping out the more permanent, weather-sturdy, decorations that are usually there.
Every member of the family released a purple balloon. Each balloon had a tag, handmade by two of my dear friends. they wrote her name and birthday on each of the 20+ tags, then drew an elephant on the back of each. I think back to just over one year ago, and wonder how I could have ever prepared them or myself for the idea that they would be helping plan Eleanor's first in such a strange and sad way.
We released Ed's balloon last. Untied it from his carrier and set it free. All the balloons were picked up by the wind quickly and carried high into the sky.
Maybe someone found one of the cards when they fell back to Earth and wondered who Eleanor was and understood from this small gesture that she must be really loved. I hope so.
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