I have been back at work now for a little more than a week, after taking 6 weeks of leave for Eleanor.
Pros:
A good source of distraction
A reminder that the world is bigger than just me and my grief
Seeing people I genuinely care about again
Cons:
People don't ask about Eleanor
The day keeps going, regardless of my mood
Much of the time, I just don't care about the work anymore
Observation: I am surprised by how normal I am able to act. Interacting with people in much the same way I did before. Things are dumb and funny. Exciting and infuriating. Gossip swirls. Newscasts are created. Tempers flare. And I can operate in it. Even enjoy many moments in the day. Spend hours at a time not crying or sinking into my own thoughts or despair.
I cry the whole way home some days. Then I go to work the next day. While I can't say my enthusiasm for the job has returned in any real way, my ability to do the work is back. So that's good, right?
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